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services chronicle current affairs pdf Children can be seriously impacted by their
parents divorce. Use these common sense
guidelines to ensure your childrens emotional stability through this difficult
process. Whether your divorce is amicable or contentious when and how to tell
your children can be a difficult issue.
Your children may already know that there are difficulties in your home
life and marriage but you may be surprised at the level of their sophistication
and knowledge about divorce. Even if
they are relieved to hear that a difficult home life is about to change do not
ever underestimate the degree to which your divorce can impact your
children. The adults are not alone in
feeling the stress and hurt of a strained family situation. You must take special steps to insulate your
children and help them through the divorce process. There is not one simple
outline that provides all of the right answers and information on how to guide
your children through the divorce process.
When and how to tell your children about the divorce will depend upon
your individual family dynamics the maturity of your children the ages of your
children the conflict level in your house and your own individual preferences.
If you are unsure of how to present this issue it is a good idea to obtain
professional help to do so. Many
counselors are well versed in addressing divorce issues with children and they
are available to guide you through this process with your children. The type of
divorce situation presenting itself in your family will have some impact on how
and when you present this issue to your children. If you and your spouse are amicable and your
divorce is low stress your children may not even be aware of the possibility of
a break up. While that means that the
divorce conflict has not impacted upon the children as of yet it does not mean
that it will not. Your children might be
even more affected by the news that you are divorcing if they were unaware that
there were problems in your marriage. If
you or your spouse has been working with a counselor either together or
separately that counselor can lay out some simple strategies on how to tell the
children. Basic information that you
want to discuss with the counselor is whether you tell the children together or
separately and what information you can or should give the children about what
their living arrangements will be in the future. It is never acceptable to
disclose that you and your spouse are getting a divorce when you are in the
middle of a conflict. To place blame on
your spouse or to provide information in a way that conveys blame or fault may
make you feel better in the short run.
In the long run it will hurt your children and it will impact your long
term relationship with the childrens other parent. Also courts frown on providing children with
adult level information and details about your divorce. Do so and you risk hurting your legal case if
your divorce will be presented to a judge. Most counselors will support a joint
parental communication to the children about the pending divorce. However a joint discussion about divorce with
the children does require that you and your spouse be able to maintain a basic
level of civility if for no other reason than to maintain your childrens peace
of mind. If you and your spouse cannot
be civil do not attempt to discuss this issue together with the children. If
your marriage has been rife with conflict your children may be aware of or even
welcoming the relief of a parental separation and/or divorce. Do not be surprised if you find out that your
children know more than you thought even if you have been attempting to conceal
the conflict from them. The issues that your children want to be reassured
about involve where they will live where they will go to school whether their
activities and daily lives will be disrupted and the degree to which they will
be able to maintain their relationship with each parent. Teenagers can be particularly vulnerable and
sensitive to disruption in their lives and schedules. If you are able to work out a parenting
schedule with your spouse it is acceptable to share that with the children to
reassure them. It also can be acceptable
to involve the children in the process of setting a schedule. However that issue can be very delicate. You do not want children dictating to the
adults and you do not want the children to have limited contact with either
parent. Above all else do not discuss marital fault issues or the reason for
the divorce with your children. Even if
you think that your spouse is the worse miscreant on the planet that spouse is
your childrens parent. Your children
want to and are entitled to love both parents.
That a spouse cannot make a marriage work does not dispossess them of
the right to be a parent. More important
it does not dispossess the children of the right to love that parent and have a
relationship with the parent. Consider that you may have a range of reactions
from your children about the pending divorce.
They may not be surprised. Or
they could be upset and shocked. In many
cases even when they are not surprised the children might be angry or blame
themselves. Work with a professional to
address all of these emotional reactions.
Your children will adjust to your divorce if you provide the proper
guidance and assistance during that process. banking
services chronicle current affairs pdf